I will start a business
Vicente from Cacttus called me today to let me know that my internship was not working. He was right. I feel guilty, he was the first person who gave me a shot. And I completely failed him. Why? Why couldnĀ“t I show up? I was blocked. I was afraid of asking more questions. I still, as always, ask myself how I will get to learn in the future or if I will have to work all the time. I am ashamed for not working. I failed. I will get back up. As feedback, he told me that I should have asked more questions. That I have to insist. He is very busy so itĀ“s good that I insist. This was my fault. I did not show up. He was very kind, cool, patient. He even asked for feedback from my side. He was always very open, gave me access to the company email, taught me about about intercome, gave me an onboarding meeting, then a second meeting to show me some tasks, always replied within the day. It was cool to see a team working hard together to make a business they cared about. They sent flowers to customers whose dogs had passed away. They were at the intercom everyday. It was cool. It was what I was seeking, Exactly what I was seeking: a hard working team, small, wrokign together, with everyone doing a variety of tasks, where I could tackle multiple projects. And I failed. I did not do the work. I froze. Why? Why? I must learn and not repeat this mistake. Life is short. I remain grateful to Vicente for giving me this opportunity and I remain indebted to his kindness, to give this kid a shot, for all the patience, for being willing to teach me, and for being gracious in letting me go. I had to be let go. I was not doing anything. I remain indebted. Lesson learned: communicate, donĀ“t freeze, a little everyday.
After the call, I read Ben YoshkovitzĀ“s post about his reflection around his motherĀ“s illness. She had dementia. He realized that she was 75. He has around 25 years (maybe) left. He gets to the lesson: donĀ“t waste time. I resonate. I am wasting time. I am wasting time. I am not growing. I am not pushing myself. I am sorry. Life is noble. Life is noble. DonĀ“t waste time. Great is the matter of life and death. Gone, gone. DonĀ“t waste this life! ( Dogen).
What does this mean? That i must start something. Now. While I am in Cacttus. Money does not matter. What matters is that you work, focused, in a community of postiive sum, where you help people like Vicente. DO it. No more academia. No more corporate. Push. You donĀ“t know how much time you have left. Today, make a website to sell the house in the south.